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Saturday, April 29th, 2006
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I just deleted my myspace.
Why am I awake?
Mother.
Fucking.
SATs.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 1:10 pm. |
| Mood: |  calm. | | Music: | the wrong side of reflection - prefuse 73. |
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I got another haircut last night.
I love changing my hair, it's very refreshing. It's also ironic that the exact night that I cut my hair I find out about all of these family members I never knew that I had and some rather interesting information about my dad.
Oh universe, you never cease to surprise.
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Comments: Read 11 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 27th, 2006
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| Time: | 9:18 pm. |
| Mood: |  speechless and shocked. | | Music: | my mom talking to my brother on the phone.. |
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One day you may wake up and everything you thought you knew about why you did anything could change.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 6:08 pm. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. |
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In combination with googling various actors and the search engine returning results from gay fan websites, kate's lj, and looking at anatomy books for some sketches, I have been barraged with images of penises this weekend.
It's kind of freaking me out, I don't usually see quite this many cocks in the course of three days.
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Comments: Read 10 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 12:01 pm. |
| Mood: |  bored. | | Music: | "so here we are" - bloc party. |
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Foreshadowing to college life.
Being alone doing homework, reheating Chinese food, drinking diet lemon iced tea which I bought from the 99cent store.
Edit:
Said Chinese food is always better two days later.
Also.
"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."- Mark Twain
I normally hate quotes by famous figures, but that one is good.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
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Ok, why am I just liking random people indiscriminately and not doing anything about any of them?
I think I have an unconcious desire to drive myself insane so I don't have to make any decisions ever.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 9:51 pm. |
| Mood: | nauseated. | | Music: | jezebel - iron & wine. |
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I think that I am going to fall apart in about 10 minutes.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:39 pm. |
| Music: | tree - aphex twin. |
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I think today I saw something so natural in such an un-natural place that it actually scared me.
There was a pidgeon, limping and sapped of any sort of vitality, or that fractious energy that pidgeons give off. It had clearly flown into something, or been attacked by god-knows-what. Anyway, it's insides were hanging out of it's body, the way you see a fallen soldier in some epic war movie like Saving Private Ryan. It landed, or rather, gave up and fell with an usual grace onto the ground near the bus stop bench. It hobbled over to the inside of the legs of the bench, and sat and quietly tried to cover it's wound. Something about the sight of this filthy, unwanted, thing that's almost like background scenery, the way skyscrapers and starbucks coffeehouses are in this city, something that usually seems so uniform, if you've seen one pidgeon you've seen them all, to see it give up and actually watch it start dying.
It made me want to fucking cry.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 3:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  slsk-ish. | | Music: | ghetto rock - mos def. |
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Slsk has l33t haxk3d my heart.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 15th, 2006
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| Time: | 7:35 am. |
| Mood: | 7:30 am because I can't sleep.. |
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"I follow the path of least resistance. I cannot help but feel like I'm flowing through my life without holding onto anything. I am afraid that I will end up watching the world go by. I am not in control of my destiny, and it is terrifying.
I can see every side of every story, and believe in all of them, even if they are contradictory. I am constantly on the fence of every issue. I do not know which side I want to be on. I want to be on both, and neither. I cannot see right, or wrong, only what is easy.
Every aspect of my personality cancels something out. I am something, nothing, and everything.
I guess you could say I am confused."
I found that when I was in the park yesterday next to a bench, tangled in the mud, written on the back of a medical brochure for managing breast cancer.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 1:28 am. |
| Mood: |  sideways mouthed.. | | Music: | the postal service. |
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A friend with breasts and all the rest.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
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| Time: | 12:36 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. | | Music: | "mon manage a moi" -etienne daho. |
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For the first time in over a year I think I'm truly happy with myself, and just myself. I don't feel the need to find an external source to try to recreate any happiness I've lost. I feel replenished and well. I haven't felt well in so many years, whether it be physically or emotionally. The need to be accusatory, apathetic, are all gone. All of those things which I normally hold onto like a little girl with a doll, those "necessary evils" which I thought were just apart of who I am, I feel ready to let them go as easily as dropping pebbels into a pond. I used to classify people into two catagories. One was people who were naturally happy, and the other was people who were naturally melancholy. Today I realized that people are either willing to work and fight for what they deserve because they are human beings, or don't feel they deserve to be happy. they never fight. people who still haven't realized that happiness is something that each of us deserves and needs simply because we're alive.
I think I reached critical mass point. It's the point where all of the elements of an object coalign and the sum of the whole becomes greater than the parts. Isn't it weird how something that's already apart of life and nature and atoms and all those things we can never see, happens emotionally? Sometimes it seems like everything is connected. The atom from the urine stained mattress under the freeway overpass is as much apart of me as is the atom from the orchids my grandmother keeps.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 10:53 pm. |
| Mood: | ecstatic. | | Music: | Hatian Love Song - Cocorosie. |
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Ok, let me see,
I have a good boyfriend, good friends, good grades, food in my stomach when I want it, and a place to sleep at night???
Damn, WHAT'S THE CATCH?
I just got a sudden wave of joy. Wooooshhh.
Feeling really great lately...
but at the same time kind of waiting for the bottom to drop out, and for things to get back to how they normally are.
I will enjoy it as long as it will last though.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
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| Time: | 10:17 am. |
| Mood: | good. | | Music: | We Suck Young Blood - Radiohead. |
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This weekend has given you reason to be uplifted. Perhaps you feel like you are doing better after a somewhat uncomfortable visit into the watery world of emotions. Today you're ready to fly. The pace picks up, the show continues, and you are the star. There's no time to waste so get ready for the action.
Even though it's probably written in the corniest language I've ever read, It's pretty accurate.
Also, DFein, I finished the painting of your tree.
Enjoy.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, March 11th, 2006
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Life has been pretty good lately.
February was the month of upheaval, turmoil, perserverance and change.
And then March is joy, love, late night phone conversations, new and old friendships, and kissing.
I'm also in love with the boy who did this to my feet.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, March 4th, 2006
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You Are the Individualist |
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You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.
You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.
You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.
Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.
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Ahem. Hooray for fucking up relationships! Also, is anyone going to the no sex just dancing show tonight?
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
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| Time: | 4:16 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. |
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Finals are almost over. So much has happened in the past few days, I don't even have time to report it all.
I think that one of the reasons life gives you trials is so that you can provide comfort to others, and give advice.
For the first time in a few months, I'm really ok with everything. Not that anything has changed dramatically, I just decided to stop worrying about things. I'm also starting to lose interest in someone who didn't really want that kind of attention from me in the first place. This is a good thing.
Today when I visited my grandmother in the hospital, she got up and walked for the first time after her surgery. Seeing her take those steps really made me see how much strength there is in the women in my family, and at the same time it made me get a real first glimpse at her physical frailty.
I don't really have anything to say today I guess.
[HAPPY BIRTHDAY!]
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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